Every Friday I try to empty out my email inboxes before the weekend. I don’t have a traditional Monday-Friday 9-5 job, so there’s really no point to the exercise beyond it being a force of habit. Modern Gmail is fantastic because it sorts everything as it comes in. I used to get super intimidated by the important personal communications I get (none) getting mixed in with the social media notifications (too many) and the adverts for travel deals to Las Vegas (I’m drowning). Now I can just go through each tab individually, delete in bulk, and feel like I really accomplished something this week.
The last thing I fiddle around with in my inbox each Friday is the Spam folder. I’d say Gmail catches 99% of all messages that I’d consider to be “Spam,” only whiffing on the 5-7 emails I get regarding Arizona’s upcoming gubernatorial race. I definitely didn’t willingly subscribe to those.
I actually like Spam messages. The keep me abreast of what the latest internet scams are. Lately there’s been a sharp trend away from Nigerian princes, UK Lottery spoils and online pharmacies peddling discount boner pills, and a huge upswing in both payday loans and fake job offers. It’s a tough economy I suppose.
I also like to reply to Spam messages. I don’t know why. They never write back. Most are probably operated by some robot code that indiscriminately tries any and all combinations of letters and numbers in hopes that 5% of them are actual valid inboxes. Still, I like to think that if there is someone on the other end, carefully crafting these messages while making sure to use grammar that causes what’s left of the English teacher in me to have violent seizures, that my replies break up the brutal monotony of their day.
Here are a couple of today’s unrequited exchanges:
An Army of One
Love the Skin You’re In
I wasn’t lying about my IQ. Why else would I take the time to do this every week?